This devil wears no Prada, is at least a ton overweight, swears like a gangster and indulges in cold , freezing stares… this devil is my neighbor – the “lady” who lives above my flat. I met “This Devil” (henceforth referred to as TD) 8 months back when I moved into the new neighborhood.
TD, being the helpful, warm neighbor that she is came down in a nightie(hideous “govinda” yellow color with stripes, flower baskets ,and fluorescent green polka dots) to welcome me . I was floored at the nice thought, until she opened her mouth.
TD : Hi, Are you just moving in ?
Me : Umm , yeah. Where do you stay?
TD : Ignoring my question.. “ I saw the movers guys carry up your dining table. Is it new ?”
Me: Oh no. ..We’ve had it for a year now. Do you stay in the opposite house ?
TD : Ignoring my question again.. “ How much did you pay for the table?”
She seemed like a horse with blinkers..
Me: A tad uncomfortable…” I really don’t remember. As I said it’s almost a year..”
TD: “You don’t remember or don’t want to tell me ?”
Me: “mmm.. huh.”
That’s when I lost it and thought that if I opened my mouth I would end up saying choicest 4 letter words.. like “Gosh”
Just when I thought the hurricane would stop , it swirled more fiercely than ever..
TD: “ I thought I would get a friendly neighbor. Someone I could swap my biriyani recipes with. Now, i don’t think I like you. Bye “
Then she left .. An elephant stomping away in rage ..
The first thought that crossed my mind was ..”Wow, that is one weird lady..”. Who actually stops talking to a neighbor just because she refused to tell her the price of her dining table?.The world might have seen many weirdos in it’s lifetime , but TD must top the list..
What followed this eventful encounter was cold war between the two of us. TD has tried to make my life miserable in every conceivable way since then..
TD’s little devil children knock on my door and run away before I open the door. They do this every Sunday afternoon when I am deep in my slumber. Then, the Devil family does tribal dances around 6 every morning, couple of tons weighing down my fragile ceiling… I expect them to crash into my house someday soon, if they insist on being so diligent about fracturing the poor old building…
TD and I had the mother of all disputes a few months back. Her A/C (A devil, like it’s owner) leaks like a kid’s nose and goes pitter- patter, pitter-patter, pitter- patter on my A/c . Since, I was not on talking terms with TD , I made hubby go up and serve the ultimatum. TD shooed him away like a pigeon and said she would take her own sweet time for fitting a drainage pipe t as it was her A/c. Hubby came back deflated. The incessant pitter-patter went on for almost 2 weeks, when I couldn’t take it any longer,I somehow mustered up the courage to ring TD’s bell. I had rehearsed the speech which I would deliver when I met her for almost 2 days and was looking forward to insulting her . This was the speech I had prepared for the show-down..
“This is a decent neighborhood. We don’t know about you , but we are decent people. You are being a nuisance to everyone… Especially us. We have been tolerating you for this long , but you make it impossible for people to live here. We will have to complain to the landlord about the A/c dripping , the noise at ungodly hours , your kids knocking on our door and running way… We have never seen such uncultured people in our entire life “
...Tring tring (ME ringing TD’s door bell). TD opens the door.Today, she is wearing a loud red colored nightie with ugly pink flowers on them .
TD: “What do you want ?. Are you shameless ? I insulted your husband only 2 weeks back and now you are here.. I will have to complain to the landlord that you are trespassing and ringing the bell without any reason. And no, we will not fix the A/C. Do what you can..”
And she banged the door on me ….
All I whimpered was “ ummm …ouch ….” So much for rehearsed speeches..
Finally, our landlord (same as hers) had to pay for her tube. TD’s A/c doesn’t go pitter-patter these days but she has discovered a new way of torture… dropping her rubbish on my balcony..I am helpless , as I can’t really prove that she is the one that is dropping all those potato scraps , chicken bones and onion peels.
Someday I’ll have my revenge…