Sunday, January 18

The pyramid of differential status

The theory of differetial status
- by Dr. Bedazzled

I had this brilliant insight at 3:00am this morning.. alcohol aided , of course!!.. that the only differentiating parameter among human beings is alcohol!!.. I know its really insigtful so take some time to let it sink in .. so, based on what you drink , you r socially stratified..

So , on top of the pyramid-of-differencial-status are the i-love-wine-with-gouda-cheese people.. Snobs who will look down upon anyone profusing love for vodka or any of the lower-strata intoxicant.. These are the people who will wave lectures on cultures on your face and secretly pick their noses when u r not watching!!so why are they on top of the pyramid, you may ask ? .. well ... you'll have to figure than one out yourself !! hee hee

Next level on the pyramid are the black label and johhy walker swiggers.. Now, this is a really dicey level because you have a variety of people peacefully coexisting with each other.. u have the noveau rich,who flaunt their finely-developed-whiskey-taste along with people who normally belong to a lower rung on the pyramid , but get upgraded during long airline flights, when they gulp down anything that remotely has 1% of alcohol(these are the kinds that will drink methanol in a chemistry lab because of its close association with alcohol . You may also find boys trying desperately to be men and uncles trying desperately to remember their youth in this category..

Moving on.. the next level is the most common and frankly I think I belong in here.. The-vodka gulpers … yay!! We are the most interesting,fun and witty people to be with .. we don’t mind being sissy and have no shame in downing normally-girly drinks like stolchanaiya rasberry flavoured vodka .. we rock !!!!.. There are quite a few men in this category .. a lot of blacklabel and johnny walker dudes are closet vodka gulpers !!!

Ah, the next level.. there are 2 schools of thought on this.. one school says that this category should be mariginally higher than vodka gulpers and another (like me) that thinks that this groupis slightly inferior to the vodka dudes.. this level belongs to the tequila-shot,jelly-shot immediate-gratification fraternity.. and this need for mind numbing asap-pleasue seeking behaviour puts them on the lower level.. these guys are some of the drunkest-lewd-jackass joke cracking folk in history..

At this point I need to clarify that gender biases might peep into your mind while reading this .. but no , my clasification is not gender biased .. a dude/dudette can belong to any level, irrespective of cliches associated with that level ..
Coming down to the next level you have the pink-cocktail-drinking crowd .. I have nothing to say to you people.. you are social pariahs !!..

Omg, I left out the i-love –tasmac-and-kothu-parotta crowd .. do u think they should be on top of our pyramid ?? .. help me perfect my theory .. !!

Now, my theory can also segregate people according to the reaction after 3 pegs of alcohol

The steady -let the earthquake hit , i'll still be here guys.. that unwaveringly gulp down gallons of alcohol without even batting an eyelid ..I know it's taken years of heartbreaks,loser-behaviour to get where you have ..strangely u rock !!

Next come The dancing dudes and divas.. it takes great guts to dance to chumbawamba when your body is conspiring against you to throw up every bit of your morning’s breakfast and nuts you have been injesting with the alcohol!! .. I have great respect for you, guys

Then come The hicuppers and snorers.. the former are definitely better than the latter in my books as hicuppers are awake .. unlike snorers who bailout shameleslly ..

Next come The carry too much emotional baggage and lots of sissy-behaviour charecteristics .. shame on you!! You probably do this because nobody will listen to you in a un-inebriated state..

The rock bottom of weasly behaviour belong to The pukers.. all I can tell you people is .. clean your own puke , fellas .. and go easy on the biriyani after getting sloshed..

So where do you fit in my pyramid ???


Sam said...

i drink in lots of brands mixed in together, get a high and then dance wildly :)

but i dont throw up, never!!!

and then m able to drive well too :)

Angel's Flight said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Angel's Flight said...

Dang it girl....i'm a wine drinker!!! but I am def not a snob...and never wine and Just cheese...yuck!!!

I started out with beer, then a few years of gulping down vodka, then came the tequila phase, then back to Beer, then came white wine and now on the Red wine wagon....

So if u really think about it, I rose thru the pyramid.....:)) (what a distinction!!)

And yeah I am the crazy drunk ...u know the one that talks no sense and rants on and on...thts me...!!! lolz

vimmuuu said...

Heyyyyy not fair???? does this mean im not human at all??????? I feature in the option "None of the above" !!!!

Just call me 'A' said...

i lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv this post :).

Hmmmmmm i come under the 1st two categories of drinks. I'm a wine drinker but without the cheese and the snob :)...uh cheese for not like cheese. On the Whiskey/Scotch side, I'm the single malt expensive, taste refined from years of drinking type. But I do make sure I drink good Whiskey/Scotch if I was buying it but otherwise would drink any whiskey if at a party that did not have my choice or did not have any wine. I'm also a beer drinker during summerss :)
On the reaction side, I used to be the number 1. Nowadays my capacity has reduced and I have also become the bailout kinds but I don't think I snore :). hee hee
this was fun

Smita said...

Ha ha ha....

I am an Ice Tea drinker :D

Bedazzled said...

sam.. wow u mix and never never throw up ?? wow!! again !! on top of it u dance and drive also .. r u sure u r not a mutated being? hee hee just kidding .. lucky u !!!

Angel.. ah , wine drinker !!.. i always try to get out of my vodka phase , but manage to always fall back into it phoenix !!! rising all the time ..crazy ranters are fun fun to watch , actually ..ever been embarassed abt something u ranted while drunk and regretted it later?

Bedazzled said...

vimmu..r u hinting at in-comprehensive-ness of my theory ??!! no no !! .. what do u drink , anyway?

A.. thanx.. i have always known that a drunk-me is better than a sober-me and incidentally this post happened in the former state..i loove cheese .. but prefer it on my sandwich..unfortunately i am not conoisseur enuff to appreciate wine.. i just need something to get that high.. hee hee.. looks like u r a pro !!!! single malt .. way to go , girl.. not that i wud know the difference b/w a single and a double malt .. hee hee..proud of u ..i could never stand beer ...

Bedazzled said...

smita .. hee hee !!i loooove ice tea too ... u r so pure and un-corruptable ... not fair!!! not fair !!!

Prasad said...

ROFLLLLlllllllllllll!! one of the best post i hav read in a long time :DDDD wah wah wat a classification!!!

no i dont belong to tht wine drinkin, secret nose pickin grp!! but yes i can identify wit all the other grp u mentioned :DD and yes the tasmac and koothu parotta grp rocks!! damm itz been a long time since i did tht!

and on the other classification hhhmmm well it depends on wat had happened over the week ;)

verbivorehere said...

i love wine - ahem i hope i get your weird look ;P but i just love it...and since it is just wine..let earthquakes or volcanoes come..;P im here lol - hope now ull tell me - u rock ;P

wtml said...

I could not resist commenting here!!! You, are the most brilliant blogger yet! Where is that award now?

Ok, lemme see.. I am an occassional drinker - given I am broke & have almost no company or I have not guts to walk up to a TASMAC sometimes.. I dunno what stops me, but I think it does strike me that I am a woman and in Chennai, it is normal to stare - so, that's when I don't go to a TASMAC, and promply send my friends marching! :-)

Considering that pretty much rules out my option to buy alcohol, except at pubs (which I have stopped going to - for the jarry, loud, lewd music), my only resort to this evilness happens on my friend S's terrace..

I do drink wine.. pretty much anything I can lay my hands on, as I have already proved.. But, I save it for my 'rainy' day.. believe it or not, I have goan wine thats still waiting for me in my house, in my draw & I am waiting.. for something!!

I don't puke.. I don't rant.. I dont like dancing at pubs.. but, I do like conversations.. interesting mind-boggling derivations that my sane self would not comprehend otherwise.. Will tell you when we meet sometime..

I love Iced Tea.. but, a recent experience told me that after a considerable amount of alcohol,combined with other social evils still didn't get me high, while the others were all out..

Yeah, that's me! :-)

Bedazzled said...

prasad...thanks a ton man ...well, wats this theory on "depends on what happened over the week"?? enlighten us ..

Verbi.. of course u rock !!.. wow.. u the steady kind!!! hee hee ... my theory does make me look mean..actually a lot of u cool babes have said wine .. i am going to modify the theory and remove the picking the nose and snob bit .. hee hee

Bedazzled said...

Gosh aparna .. u r comment was longer than my post .. repressed feelings huh?? ..danks !!!

come home sometime .. we always have some stuff stashed up for a rainy day ..i cant get myself to go into tasmac as well .. with all the leers and oggling of men..i dont have a great liking for pubs either .. u cant get too drunk and i hate trying to make conversation with people when there is noise and exhibitionist drunken behaviour all around ..havin said that i love bikes and barrels .. its the only place u can go without having to get dressed up, which i totally hate .. occassion .. mmm.. well , well !!
u the intellectual talker .. maybe i should include that in my list as well .. i wish i could make interesting conversation after single peg.. i wish i could make interesting conversation .. period!! ;-) .. wow..alcohol + social evils still didnt take u out .. i should learn a lesson or two from u..all that i can say is .. u r sooo sane !!! hee hee .. lovely getting to know more abt u r alcohol-induced behaviour !!

praddy said...

hehe good be frank..i loved the post..very informative i must say..ur rock bhar :D

Am the silent kinds when i drink, and at times i tend to laugh a lot and generally get happy when i drink a lot..and yea i have puked on some occasions and blame the side dish for that :P
So these days i prefer oorga :P (pickle)

I prefer the vodka and where does this level come?

as far as tasmac is concerned..initially i thot i had a level and i shudnt stoop so low, but these days no options..i go to buy from a tasmac and somehow i feel so guilty about it!

When i read this post..i just imagined the friend who also happens to comment in ur blog sometimes..the way he behaves when he drinks till the last drop...the way he last time he gave a sermon to another friend giving instances about his life on his bachelors party standing in the same place for 2 hours. It started from his LKG story .. all of school and till this day happenings!!! It was fun..but yeah i was knocked out after 2 am not sure what happened after that :P

gosh..think i just confessed my drinking habits!

mirrorcracked said...

So, according to you, those who indulge in vodka-pani-puri are considered sub-human neanderthals! Nice! :D
I like Dr. Bedazzled's theories of alcoholism! Makes us drunks that much more proud!

Prasad said...

well you kno praddy jus told u the story abt me!!! and um sure now you kno wat happend tht week theory is all abt! :P

i mite talk for 2 hrs without knowning wat i am sayin, or i mite jus sleep off , or i mite puke depends on the mood and time i drink! :P

and yes btw nowadays i am a Whisky drinker!! i dont mind all the jazzy brands if i can get my hands on those otherwise gud'ol RC or signature will do :D

Sam said...

hey Bedazzled,

i m more of a moderate one at times, but when its a party time, its not stoppin me nemore...

mostly i m in control of my senses and i like more of rum and whisky...not much into wines!!

praddy said...

prasad - hehe u gave urself up :P lol

nikhil - vodka panipuri - is the pani in the puri of vodka or is some other combi?

Bedazzled said...

danks prads ...if u laugh too much when u get drunk .. u will automatically get into the blabbering category !! ;-).. i have never enjoyed oorga... thou my fellow alcoholics have professed their undying devotion to it .. vodka and tequila are in the middle .. so u r safe !!

u get real cheap stuff from tasmac and frankly speaking nothing better to get drunk on like old monk and water out of a water packet ..;-)

u didnt confess u r embarrasing moments .. u confessed Prasad's habits !! hee hee .. this is fun , guys !!

Bedazzled said...

nikhil .. Well i am a vodka pani puri kind too ..we r nt neanderethels.. more like middle of the spectrum .. ;-).. danks for patronizing Dr bedazzled's theories ..i know u r god of drunks .. not many to stan up to u ;-)

Bedazzled said...

prasad.. hee hee .. guessed as much that it was you.. !!!.. me thinks all brands taste more or less the same as far as my limited whiskey knowledge goes ...i have heard people uttering words like "so smooth" .. but somehow to me all whiskeys taste the same;-)

sam..hee likes rum as well.. if we didnt know who that "friend" was ... ;-)

myheadtrip said...

Ok...I think you know where I fit! Like Vimmuuu most of the time none of the above. Non alcoholic, teetotaler :)
I do enjoy wine with cheese :D but don't think I am snob. Have had the rare vodka. Hate beer.
So Doc, you figure out where I fit!! :D

aliceinneverland said...

so, based on what you drink , you r socially stratified.. lol :D :D :D

i love wine as well but with pizza... ymmm

Shayari said...

Aha..!Ms Bedazzled is transformed into a Wine connoisseur:):)

Nautankey said...

Maan wat a rocking post..and see all these drunkards coming in and commenting.. shameless :P..

Offence taken for teh comment of teqila shot takers.I belong to ur class but nowadays need more high after 2 large rounds,wud prefer teqila than go for the smirnoff.just accept u r not a man..err..woman enuf to try that :D.

the reaction is now on the 1st category.You shud also add the kalla sarayam guys.i had tried one for 20 rs a bottle and a complimentary fried fish..somewhere near elliots was out fo the world,if I had completed the bottle I wud have gone out of the world literally :).

My next post is abt my weedy experiences @ yercaud..thanks for the inspiration master :P

Bedazzled said...

apar.. wine and cheese .. SNOB!!! SNOB!!!.. mary maami .. guys , isnt apar a snob ? .. one day i am going to lace your chai with vodka out !!!and i am not sure vimmu meant that he was a teetotaler .. maybe he belongs to the kalla saarayam category !!!

Alice.. Pizzaa.. yum !!! pizza with wine.. umm .. i really dunno ;-) ..will try it out sometime..

Bedazzled said...

shayari .. no way !! me and wine connoisseur .. i dont even know how to spell that word .. ;-)

vinod .. i know, da.. i think Dr bedazzled has unleashed a lot of latent feelings in all u drunken people..wat r u grinning about .. u r shameless too ..u know what start with tequila .. continue with vodka and finish off with coupleof tequila shots ..tried it last time and it was awesome ..i have always been sceptical abt kalla sarayam .. all cheap things come with a catch !! and i dont have a stomach strong enuff for kalla sarayam .. weedy experience .. DITCHER !!!!... and u r welcome, son !!;-)

Prasad said...

giv it a bit of time and you sure will kno the difference btw all the whisky's!! it sure is different frm one another!!

myheadtrip said...

me not snob!! sob!sob! :( Btw, don't think I tasted Gouda! :) Now that you have warned me...will think twice before I have chai at your place! :)Make G my ally? actually chuck is a bad idea!

Bedazzled said...

prasad... i am waiting for that day too ;-)

apar .. i know.. having g as an ally will make matters worse .. he will probably lace u r dal with tequila .. i am way better !! ;-O

arvind1187 said...

Lol ..
i need to try all these to tell u which category i belong too...

You soon are going to take over frm nikhil as the most Insane blogger :P ..just keep the beer flowing :)

Bedazzled said...

arvind.. hee hee !!..well, i can never be competition for nikhil .. he is in a different league .. hee hee .. but yeah i have always een writing weird stuff .. weirdness comes a lilnaturally to me , u see !!

eye-in-sty-in said...

I just developed a taste for expensive Whiskey. Thats the good part. The bad part is - I like it neat! :D

I'll refrain from putting myself in a category - thats too much work. I'll tell u this though - I finished half litre is Whiskey and went to an event. Enjoyed it, drove there and also went to a disco after that. Where does that put me? No I didnt puke either, although I did pig out :D

Ur post is missing the Rum drinkers! They are the best of the lot. Happy go lucky types. I also love vodka... coz it hits u smooth and easy. No smell either - refuse the blood test and you avoid the DUI :DDD

did I mention cool post?

Bedazzled said...

eye-in .. u whiskey drinker !! ..kind of figured it .. i guess now i have a theory for finding out what a person drinks based on his/her blog/the way he/she comments.. yup . i forgot the rum drinkers.. i have never seen any staple rum drinkers.. just people who also drink rum ,, half a litre of whiskey !! omg !!!.. i have noticed that pigging out invariably causes throwing up .. nyways i am a die hard vodka drinker .. tequila is a close second.. thanx ;-)