Sunday, January 18
The pyramid of differential status
The theory of differetial status
- by Dr. Bedazzled
I had this brilliant insight at 3:00am this morning.. alcohol aided , of course!!.. that the only differentiating parameter among human beings is alcohol!!.. I know its really insigtful so take some time to let it sink in .. so, based on what you drink , you r socially stratified..
So , on top of the pyramid-of-differencial-status are the i-love-wine-with-gouda-cheese people.. Snobs who will look down upon anyone profusing love for vodka or any of the lower-strata intoxicant.. These are the people who will wave lectures on cultures on your face and secretly pick their noses when u r not watching!!so why are they on top of the pyramid, you may ask ? .. well ... you'll have to figure than one out yourself !! hee hee
Next level on the pyramid are the black label and johhy walker swiggers.. Now, this is a really dicey level because you have a variety of people peacefully coexisting with each other.. u have the noveau rich,who flaunt their finely-developed-whiskey-taste along with people who normally belong to a lower rung on the pyramid , but get upgraded during long airline flights, when they gulp down anything that remotely has 1% of alcohol(these are the kinds that will drink methanol in a chemistry lab because of its close association with alcohol . You may also find boys trying desperately to be men and uncles trying desperately to remember their youth in this category..
Moving on.. the next level is the most common and frankly I think I belong in here.. The-vodka gulpers … yay!! We are the most interesting,fun and witty people to be with .. we don’t mind being sissy and have no shame in downing normally-girly drinks like stolchanaiya rasberry flavoured vodka .. we rock !!!!.. There are quite a few men in this category .. a lot of blacklabel and johnny walker dudes are closet vodka gulpers !!!
Ah, the next level.. there are 2 schools of thought on this.. one school says that this category should be mariginally higher than vodka gulpers and another (like me) that thinks that this groupis slightly inferior to the vodka dudes.. this level belongs to the tequila-shot,jelly-shot immediate-gratification fraternity.. and this need for mind numbing asap-pleasue seeking behaviour puts them on the lower level.. these guys are some of the drunkest-lewd-jackass joke cracking folk in history..
At this point I need to clarify that gender biases might peep into your mind while reading this .. but no , my clasification is not gender biased .. a dude/dudette can belong to any level, irrespective of cliches associated with that level ..
Coming down to the next level you have the pink-cocktail-drinking crowd .. I have nothing to say to you people.. you are social pariahs !!..
Omg, I left out the i-love –tasmac-and-kothu-parotta crowd .. do u think they should be on top of our pyramid ?? .. help me perfect my theory .. !!
Now, my theory can also segregate people according to the reaction after 3 pegs of alcohol
The steady -let the earthquake hit , i'll still be here guys.. that unwaveringly gulp down gallons of alcohol without even batting an eyelid ..I know it's taken years of heartbreaks,loser-behaviour to get where you have ..strangely u rock !!
Next come The dancing dudes and divas.. it takes great guts to dance to chumbawamba when your body is conspiring against you to throw up every bit of your morning’s breakfast and nuts you have been injesting with the alcohol!! .. I have great respect for you, guys
Then come The hicuppers and snorers.. the former are definitely better than the latter in my books as hicuppers are awake .. unlike snorers who bailout shameleslly ..
Next come The weird-ranters..you carry too much emotional baggage and lots of sissy-behaviour charecteristics .. shame on you!! You probably do this because nobody will listen to you in a un-inebriated state..
The rock bottom of weasly behaviour belong to The pukers.. all I can tell you people is .. clean your own puke , fellas .. and go easy on the biriyani after getting sloshed..
So where do you fit in my pyramid ???