Ok my last 2 posts (including the one that disappeared) were, to be honest not like me .. So here goes an old one that's not as intense or introspective ..when i started a blog i told myself it would never post weepy or intense or cribby stuff ..Guess i have deviated from the mission statement for my blog and
realise that the last few posts have been boring and cribby (it was boring to me when i read it again!!!) .. Darn it !!! Zulu's back and she's gonna be around for a while !!.. oh and another unrelated thing .. i totallly adore the brit accent .. esp kids with brit accents !! What, eh ?
Statutory warning : Old Post. Vimmuuu..See , it's back !!
I wake up with a start and groggily reach for my mobile to check the
time - 2.23AM..
And then , bigger one … ZZZZZZrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
It sounded like somebody had dropped a missile on my terrace… Well
Almost … except that it happened to be my husband snoring ….
I am still feeling fuzzy and struggling to remember the dream that had
been interrupted .. Something to do with robbers stealing shredded
cabbage from my house... The robbers in my dream had to be the worst
of their kind.. Nobody steals cabbage – What losers!!
I have perfected a few fool -proof strategies to deal with "snoring
husbands" over the last 2 years. These techniques have been
scientifically tested in my laboratory and have minimal side effects.
What's more.. these strategies work even with snoring-grand moms ,
grand pas and even pets..(I've heard that some breeds of dogs snore,
though I can't name the source now..)
Strategy no1 : "The Lion's Den Manoeuvre"
How it is done : Open the mouth of the source of your disturbance.
Open it in such a way that the mouth forms a O shape . If you open it
too small , then the source will start making yelping sounds, similar
to a whimpering Pomeranian. Now, that is something we really don't
Expected results: You can safely sleep uninterrupted for 10 minutes,
after which the maneuver has to be repeated.
Warning : Don't attempt this if there are too many mosquitoes in your room..
Strategy No 2 : " Flip and rib Manoeuvre"
How it is done : Flip the source of noise in such a way that the
source has its back to you and is turned away from you. Results can be
further enhanced by a poke to the source in its rib.. Voila .. the
source will clam shut. Scientifically, this can be explained by the
fact that the source gets distracted with the physical activity
experienced by it suddenly and will assume a state of equilibrium.
This equilibrium will remain till the source gets distracted by the
state of inactivity and opens up again.
Expected results: Results vary from 10-15 minutes depending on the
nature of source.
Warning : Extra caution has to be applied while using the "Rib" part
of the manoeuvre as the source might wake up if the poke is perceived
as a tickle.
Strategy 3 : " Coordinates swapping and light kung-fu kick manoeuvre "
How It is done: Allign your coordinates in such a way that your leg
faces the sources nose. Since you are far removed from the source's
source of noise, you can sleep for longer periods of time. If your
source still is distinctly loud , you can always kick the source.
Expected results: 30-45 Minutes depending on intensity of source.
Warning : Control the intensity of kicks. Higher intensity kicks might
result in the source reciprocating the manoeuvre and will definately
backfire on the user.
All these strategies can be accompanied with an accessory " Block-out
boulders" ( common name : ear plugs ) to increase effect of strategies
discussed above . These are very effective in cutting out noise and
are made of special spongy material.
Method of use: Plug the contraption in both your ears . These can be worn
upto 10-11 hours continuously.
Warning: The device might pop out if too much of pressure is applied
on it while plugging it in. If the device is too small it might get
into the user's ear canal blocking out noise from all other sources,
So now that you know the secrets of Snore-combat, Go sleep… ZZZZ