Wednesday, February 25

5 Top ways to torture people who tag u in photos in FB

.. And especially tag you for the wrong reasons.. Vinod, u mite wonder who i am referring to ..well, keep thinking.

1. Make them a Himesh Reshamiah tape with his top 10 songs and play it to them in a loop continuously for entire day , so that even Britney spears will sound like Nirvana.Even Music on the lifts will be Himmesh's hits.

2. Stuff their pockets with karuvaadu(dried Fish) and let them wear the same shirt continuosly for 3 working days. All the next-cubicle-greeneyeed-Hotties will pay them to take a bath and .. no more dates with hot women!Period.

3.Hand them over to goons who will take them to Kasimedu, set them in wet cement and threaten to drop them in Mariana Trench.Alternatively subject them to 20 hours of Saas -bahu serials on sun TV and be asked to compare the protagonist of top 5 shows. Brownie point if a SWAT analysis is done.

4.Get grounded for the next 4 weeks with a TQM text. Cookies and a glass of milk will be served before dinner instead of popcorn and beer.No socialising. No parties.No chatting. No tagging people on FB , mainly.

5. Post embarassing pictures of the tagger and tag him in FB, orkut, Linked in, Tagged,ryze and every conceivable social networking site. Brownie points if the pic has the said person picking his nose or oggling at women/men or picking out lice from their head.

Some people(ok 1 person) has enthusiastically expressed his desire to do this tag.. So i am tagging Prads to do this tag.. Prads .. Revenge time ..Revenge does taste sweet !!.. Would u like to do the tag , vinod ? ;-)

Friday, February 20

Zen and the art of Snore combat

Ok my last 2 posts (including the one that disappeared) were, to be honest not like me .. So here goes an old one that's not as intense or introspective ..when i started a blog i told myself it would never post weepy or intense or cribby stuff ..Guess i have deviated from the mission statement for my blog and
realise that the last few posts have been boring and cribby (it was boring to me when i read it again!!!) .. Darn it !!! Zulu's back and she's gonna be around for a while !!.. oh and another unrelated thing .. i totallly adore the brit accent .. esp kids with brit accents !! What, eh ?


Statutory warning : Old Post. Vimmuuu..See , it's back !!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzz....
Zrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…….

ZZZZZZrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

I wake up with a start and groggily reach for my mobile to check the
time - 2.23AM..
And then , bigger one … ZZZZZZrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

It sounded like somebody had dropped a missile on my terrace… Well
Almost … except that it happened to be my husband snoring ….

I am still feeling fuzzy and struggling to remember the dream that had
been interrupted .. Something to do with robbers stealing shredded
cabbage from my house... The robbers in my dream had to be the worst
of their kind.. Nobody steals cabbage – What losers!!

I have perfected a few fool -proof strategies to deal with "snoring
husbands" over the last 2 years. These techniques have been
scientifically tested in my laboratory and have minimal side effects.
What's more.. these strategies work even with snoring-grand moms ,
grand pas and even pets..(I've heard that some breeds of dogs snore,
though I can't name the source now..)

Strategy no1 : "The Lion's Den Manoeuvre"

How it is done : Open the mouth of the source of your disturbance.
Open it in such a way that the mouth forms a O shape . If you open it
too small , then the source will start making yelping sounds, similar
to a whimpering Pomeranian. Now, that is something we really don't
want.
Expected results: You can safely sleep uninterrupted for 10 minutes,
after which the maneuver has to be repeated.

Warning : Don't attempt this if there are too many mosquitoes in your room..

Strategy No 2 : " Flip and rib Manoeuvre"

How it is done : Flip the source of noise in such a way that the
source has its back to you and is turned away from you. Results can be
further enhanced by a poke to the source in its rib.. Voila .. the
source will clam shut. Scientifically, this can be explained by the
fact that the source gets distracted with the physical activity
experienced by it suddenly and will assume a state of equilibrium.
This equilibrium will remain till the source gets distracted by the
state of inactivity and opens up again.

Expected results: Results vary from 10-15 minutes depending on the
nature of source.

Warning : Extra caution has to be applied while using the "Rib" part
of the manoeuvre as the source might wake up if the poke is perceived
as a tickle.

Strategy 3 : " Coordinates swapping and light kung-fu kick manoeuvre "

How It is done: Allign your coordinates in such a way that your leg
faces the sources nose. Since you are far removed from the source's
source of noise, you can sleep for longer periods of time. If your
source still is distinctly loud , you can always kick the source.

Expected results: 30-45 Minutes depending on intensity of source.

Warning : Control the intensity of kicks. Higher intensity kicks might
result in the source reciprocating the manoeuvre and will definately
backfire on the user.

All these strategies can be accompanied with an accessory " Block-out
boulders" ( common name : ear plugs ) to increase effect of strategies
discussed above . These are very effective in cutting out noise and
are made of special spongy material.


Method of use: Plug the contraption in both your ears . These can be worn
upto 10-11 hours continuously.

Warning: The device might pop out if too much of pressure is applied
on it while plugging it in. If the device is too small it might get
into the user's ear canal blocking out noise from all other sources,
forever.

So now that you know the secrets of Snore-combat, Go sleep… ZZZZ

Wednesday, February 18

Pot Pourri..



I have never been a jam person .. but i recently discovered squeezee and i boy am i hooked .. breakfast,lunch and dinner -Jam Jam Jammy !!;-)..It's so much fun drawing out shapes with the squeezee.. Whoopie .. i am going to draw a house for breakfast tommorrow !!!

I saw this movie called "The house next door" . It's about an evil house where people living there suddenly start to hate what they love the most .. they get killed, kill,have affairs and stuff like that.. I dont normally see spooky movies alone , but managed to c this one without supervision.. and i am proud of meself
;-)..
The house that we used to live in before was kinda jinxed that way .. it was beautiful.. but weirdly the one odd year we stayed there i was continuously falling sick..I have felt uncomfortable without any explanation in some houses..I also get freaked out if i hear of spooky stories about houses .. there is this house near my parents house where apparently a few people commited suicide .. everytime i pass through this house ,i get goosebumps..

On a different note ..i had visited a tradefair a few weeks back. I love trade fairs .. reminds me of childhood days when the whole family(cousins, cousin of cousins, their cousins and generally the whole jing bang) used to go to and have tons of fun.. Huge appalams, Pink cotton candy, lotsa cheap shopping and generally fun times. I hate roller coasters, so i normally get appointed the official bag keeper when everyone else hops on to the coaster.. I get jittery everytime someone i know climbs into a roller coaster or any such rides...Ok back to story.. so when hubby went on a shabby looking ride , i totally hyperventillated and started praying.. i was later was made fun of for exhibiting such sissy behaviour..I saw guys welding parts of operating rides and knew hearts of hearts that this was going to be the ticket to a disaster..

A few days back , there was a news article about 5 people who were injured badly when they got thrown off a roler coaster becaues of a loose bolt ..Sadly the state of affairs at trade fairs is horrendous and safety measures grossly ignored. Infact ,a similar freak accident happened sometime back and a committee was appointed to review the safety norms of trade fairs.. they came up with the conclusion that the rides didnt need more saftey precautions.. Who are they kidding !!! .. it's just so obvious that the rides are in a state of disrepair..

I hope the state government doesn't see trade fairs only as a way to plaster pictures of the CM and does something about safety..I am not religious or superstitious but after my cousin's accident and similar freak mishaps ,i have started carrying a copy of bhagavad Gita wherever i go .. a friend keeps telling me .. The Sword of Damocles hangs suspended ,perpetually..I childishly believe that the sword wont touch my loved ones if i carry the book..I am weird , i know !! . Spookily, roller coasters also remind me of "final Destination" movie..

I dont normally watch any program regularly on tv .. but never miss " So u think u can dance".. I hope Sabra or Danny wins ..Anyone wants to have a bet on who the winner would be ?.. Gosh , i am a born gambler!! . The quality of this show is lightyears ahead of our desi clones like Jodi no1.. "So u think u can dance" showcases brilliant dancers and dance forms.What shows like Jodi no 1 showcase is just tamashaa..

This sure was a long post .. dankes for reading :-)

Sunday, February 15

The post where i use a bad word ..hmphhh..



Statutory Warning : Long post

Hope everyone had a sooper valentine’s day showering love on spouses, boyfriends, friends,family and themselves .. as for me and hubby .. this is the taleof our (mis)adventures .. ok it was’nt that bad!!

It all started a few days back when I saw this ad in the papers that there was going to be a couple competition in one of the new malls in the city.. My sane Alter ego , ziggie told me to stay away from this becos of 2 reasons

a) Hubby and I are generally not the openly expressing love kinds. We are a lil bit restrained (atleast I am!!) in public and a competition like this might warrant you to make an utter fool of yourself by making public a lot that mush that ideally shoule be shared in private (again, thats the way I am)

b) People who know me well would also know that I am very competitive and don’t like losing, not even in a silly competition like this . Ziggie warned me that I would spoil the ocassion for not just me but hubby as well !!

But then Zulu , my insane Alter ego(I have a split personality) gave into temptation ( the ad mentioned free gifts !!) and decided to register… Now that the background is set and the audiences primed, let me move on to the actual flashback..

Oinnnnnn… Mosquito coils ….

We were asked to report at indie mall at 4:00 and got delayed by couple of minutes. Since I have this weird habit that I have to be exactly one minute before the expected time, hubby got an earful on his time management abilities. .. When we got to the mall , we realised to our utter dismay that there were 5 odd shoppers and 50 people to attend to them .. the 5 included us also us. I felt a little thrilled at the fact that I was now going to become an important statistic to the mall … A footfall is what they wanted , a footfall they would get !! ..now the good part .. having gotten used to a crowded malls filled with Yuppie-wannabe crowd , Indie made me feel like a wild stallion gallopping in green meadows..

The event started at 5:30 types.I was a little psyched with the kind of crowd that had come (I can be a snob sometimes!!) and there were several times when I wanted to bail out.. but then Zulu persevered and I must say she is the dominant personality in me.. The MC being a throrough MCP asked women to propose to their partners.. and what followed was a verbal diahorrea of uttely Cheesy dialogues like “ You are someone to the world , but you mean the world to me !!!” Gosh , what was Zulu thinking !!. Incidentally , this dialogue won a chocolate for the best valentine day saying .. Some men and women made a fools of themselves by sharing embarassing stories about how they met and some crooned mushy songs (like tujhe dekha to ye jaana sanam ) in nasal voices. I freaked at the possibility of having to exhibit such Non- Ziggie behaviour and prayed that I didn’t get picked. Thankfully God was a little free yesterday and decided to listen to me ..What a relief!!

We had several rounds to compete(!!) in. In one round the guys picked up saris and the women were asked to figure out the saris picked by their hubbies. Hubby and I had already agreed on picking Blue beforehand. I promptly (and incidentally beaming with pride) picked up a sari that looked bluish-greenish, while mentally cursing myself for not showing hubby what blue actually meant.. I knew I had cracked this round as there wasn’t any other vaguely blue sari around. Alas! When I come out Hubby tells me apoogetically that he forgot the “blue rule” and picked up something orange!!! .. Another round had us go on a treasure hunt for groceries (why would anyone spend time discovering groceries!!.. duh!!) with the shop attendents guiding people on where to find stuff ,though they were not supposed to .. We did end up getting all the items on the list.

Yet another round had us fill in answers to questions like favourite channel . We had reherersed answers to potential questions before but then after the blue-rule goof up I didn’t expect too much.. Later, when I asked hubby his questions we found that our questions were different. It was nothing more than a info gathering tool for the organisers .. the Bas*****.. And we thought our compatibility was being tested !! .. I wish I had bluffed in the questionnaire!!

The best round of all was where the men had to tie saris to a mannequin with wifeys guiding them. The paper had already warned us this round would be there but since I didn’t have a sari at home , I had to make do with a bedsheet and anyone who has worn a sari would know that it just isnt the same. So when my ill prepared husband had to compete with stalwarts (some men draped the sari better than I could ever manage!!), his mannequin looked like a bedowin belle from Sudan .. However, we did have a good time laughing at our new method of draping a sari .. There were some couples who had gone on panic mode with the wife egging the husband to finish on time .. We had stopped caring after the first few rounds and decided to have a good time instead .. too bad we didn’t win for our bedowin costume .. I thought it was cute !!
The whole debacle finished with a fashion show .. (arggh!!) where we were asked to ape some steps the MCP (ok , the MC) showed us. And then when they read out the names of top 10 couples .. we , obviously were not on the 10 ten.. Philosophically we did ask ourselves whether we were a bad couple ..

Takeways.. 2 free pop corns , 2 free mirandas , 1 free sprite (I forgot to pick it up,hubby didnt !! ), 100 rupee voucher to shop in indie , miscellaneous vouchers that I would never use and an acute awareness that I had wasted 3 hours of our time . I should never listen to Zulu ever again.. We did have a snobby time making fun of other participants and the organisers (I know I am mean !!). I also got to know a lot of things about hubby (thanx to the rehersals the previous day. I didnt think i had anything more to know abt him , having known him for around 15 years now ) ..

However Sour green grapish this may sound -winning is not important, having fun definitely is! :0..

Wednesday, February 11

These r some of my favourite things ..

Heyya people.. Me's kinda back after the short hibernative stint.. actly dont think i am back in my "blog-about-it" mood , but i guess its a matter of time .. and the things i went looking for ... most of them remain unfound and un-figured out... maybe there r no answers to a lot of questions !!..Lots of action for me in the 15 odd days of my disappearnce .. saw tons of movies ..i definately have to write abt Slumdog and Naan kadavul .. all that probably in the next post .. went on a beach clean up activity and generally have been catching up with a lot of studying.. Sorry havent been reading u r posts regularly or commenting on u r blogs .. now i have tons of catching up to do .. i promise to visit all u r blogs ..

Ok an old post again ..

So many sights, smells and noises assault our senses every day.... And
in a way I am a prisoner of my senses
Some of my all time favorite memories of smells, sounds and
sights..Inspiration of course from "Raindrops and Roses- OST of Sound
of music"


The smell of wet earth after a summer shower
Lazing around with a novel on a rainy afternoon with a cup of hot soup
Pretty pink and blue things like laces, satin
Blue and white china
Fresh Smell of cake baking
That first bite into a chocolaty donut
Light headed high after a few sips of alcohol
Bitter sweet tugs at the heartstrings when I leave home everytime ,
eventhough I know I will be back soon.
New born babies with curled up fists, sweet smell of Johnson and
Johnson combined with baby innocence
Heady smell of roasting spices
Intoxicating smell of melting butter
Vast Green open spaces
Long walks on the beach barefooted
Tall white wedding cakes
Pristine, flowing white wedding gowns
Sound of nothing, feeling nothing
Waking up after a cat-nap trying to recollect the latest dream
Musty smell of a book not used for a long time
Reading old slam books, old letters other silly correspondences
Satisfaction on deleting irritating junk mails and spam and seeing a
clean mailbox
Crunchy Unripe green apples
Sweaky clean hair after a hairwash ..
Smell of vanilla essence, vanilla notes in perfume..
Butterflies in the stomach before a presentation
Stolen furitive glances at the latest crush and stomach doing a
flip-flop every time you bump into that special someone.
Chocolates –with nougat, with nuts.. esp 5 star and after mint
Adrenaline rush when climbing up a hill, running
Verbose Indian fiction
Maggie and cheese at Kamath circle, Cheese Omlette at MIT canteen –
somehow both are entwined in my memory and can't seem to separate one
stimuli from another.
Reading Mallory towers when supposed to be doing school homework
Sleeping in class whilst pretending to be listening to lectures
Listening to Ilayaraja songs
Smell of freshly laundered clothes
Crisp white shirts
Hot liquid cascading down a sore-throat
Cold showers on a hot, sweaty day
Beautiful glossy photographs
Kids playing hopscotch on a summery afternoon
Butterflies with colorful wings
Tickling of taste buds after the second pani -puri
Cheesy sizzlers of Tangerine
Babies gurgling
Rainbows
chucking laundry and watching a rerun of friends .. for the 30th time
Satisfaction of seeing a fullstop at the end of last line in a book.

I am sure I am not able to recollect a lot of sights, smells and
sounds which have been stored away for posterity. ..Some will come
back to me if I think harder.. But most probably won't, despite the
magnificent contraption that our brain is. Thats why maybe i have a
life to manufacture more favourites which will be forgotten in another
5 years time..

weird.. how everything is in a state of constant flux.Feelings,
memories , affections.. everything !