Sunday, November 29

Yeah,husbands are like that !!

When it rains,it pours..i was just referring to my verbal diarrhea these days.I realized a few days back that its been a while since i had a decent dig at the Hubby on the blog and promptly decided to remedy the situation..Hence this post.. what purpose do husbands serve, if they are not made fun of in their Wife's blogs??..

Our man, now ,is a great shopper. He has a great Shopper's acumen and knows exactly what the wife wants for birthdays,anniversarys and assorted other "wannabe" occasions like Valentines day,Wife's day,Children's day (!!)and so forth ..Now, what more can a woman want??..except that she would have preferred a perfume instead of a copy of "Terrorism in Srilanka and it's sociological implications"!. Sociological implications -my left foot !!. How is that even remotely related to my birthday??.
Reminds me of times when i have recycled gifts (totally inappropriate ones like -wall clock for a 14 year old and jewel box to a guy !!) to unsuspecting souls just because someone else recycled it and dumped it on me .. Think of the life cycle of such recycled gifts .. fascinating ,i say !!. and yeah, i know what you are thinking .. i am shameless !!..I know a lot of you reading this post are shameless as well !!!own up,people!

Hubby is a sharp fellow otherwise.. He has some fancy degrees and all. He even claims to have a decent IQ(not that i verified it before deciding to tie the knot!) .. but when it comes to the gifting department he is like a toddler with a teething trouble .. umm,so the terrorism debacle was a few years back..Last year,he gets smart and buys me collected works of Roald Dahl ..I was impressed .. Now, i wouldn't say that i am too much into the Roald Dahl genere of writing .. but, i was flattered that he bought me something which i would someday consider reading and the only purpose of that book would not be furthering hubby's library collection.. So i sweetly tell him thanx and all .. and he tells me " yeah,that's ok.. i just wanted to buy that book for myself ,you see. One stone,2 birds". Gosh, this man is unstoppable !!!

So, every time some occasion looms in the horizon, i tell him beforehand what i want , lest i end up with books on apartheid,sociological implications of organic farming and other "really important issues" that plague the world ,as he puts it. I am content reading about Becky's adventures (should i say misadventures??)in Shopping and other mind numbing literature..In fact,we have agreed on separate libraries when we move into our house next year.. Can't imagine what my copy of pride and predujice would feel sitting next to " Banker to the poor" and books like that..What a sham(e)!!

Whenever hubby travels, he is often bombarded with requests for liquor from shameless people. Our home,on weekends is a glorified TASMAC for some really sad( read shameless) souls who think that it's cool to discuss materialism & jaded lives with a glass of bootlegged liquor or sometimes, local toddy.We lead such sad lives !!!. yeah,judge us !.. So this time, i preempted all the other drunkards and told hubby to get us an Absolut and "something else that's not a tequila"..Little did i realize that i had made the biggest mistake in my drinking history..So, I am all excited when he comes into town expecting some exotic drink which i haven't tried before and he proudly tells me " I bought that absolut you asked for and guess what else.. a bottle of tequila !!! .. Arent you proud of me ?? ". Oh, yeah, i am !!. You are priceless. We just happen to have 2 unfinished bottles of tequila which nobody even wants to touch... I am soo glad that this 3rd bottle of tequila is going to join those 2 other poor basta*$ and age away to glory.. We will probably have it for our 50th anniversary.. Then, he wouldn't have to look for a book & can gift me this famed bottle of tequila !! smarrt booy!!! i knew i married right !!.. 2 birds,one stone, again !

Moral of the story- Never let the hubbies take any decision... they r not built to handle all that jazz!!..Thrust your decision on the man and don't take no for an answer. Sulk and pout ,if you have to.. whatever works for you ,gurls!!.. and secondly, I have realized that fact that the attention span of a male(especially the married variety) is 2 seconds.. cram in all the information in those 2 seconds..It doesn't really help if Katrina kaif is sashaying in the background,though!! .. Husbands,i say !!

Friday, November 27

Sunshine's out,yeah,yeah !!

oh yeah .. am back.. contemplation is for losers..why bother?? ..anyways, i have this habit of spinning/imagining exotic stories about people i don't know too well ..Not that i don't enjoy spinning stories about myself.. i do that too .. a lot !!.. when i was in school i vaguely remember telling kids every year that my dad was getting transferred to some foreign country.. Ok,every year it was a different place.. Canary Island(i have no clue how i knew about this place when i was 10,but i did!),New zealand,Australia .. the list was just so long .. Whenever i changed schools, which was quite often,it was time for the yarn to be out .. and i would spin stories to that could put weavers to shame .. i am amazed how some of those girls i spun such stories to, are decent friends today.. they must have thought that i was a certified weirdo ..

I am fairly ashamed(!!)of myself of being a borderline Voyeur.. ok ,in a way i was .. which sane person imagines weird stories about people they barely knew?...i would wonder about their lives ,relationships,what they wore at home,what shows they watched and weird stuff like that .. when i was a kid the stories obviously were a lot more colorful..now they r slightly boring and staid..limited by an adult imagination..

Once, a cousin and I called ourselves investigators(we had business cards and the works !!)and went around the neighborhood trying to trace a local cleaner who stopped coming to our house to take out the garbage,one fine day.We named her Neelu posi which means water is flowing(i think!) in Telugu..we named her that cos her standard opening line to everyone was .. you guessed it .. Neelu posi !. .. We thought that someone had murdered her... There were so many wild theories we had for her disappearance.. We somehow forgot to think of the fact that the lady was well over 70 and her disappearance could simply have been a case of relocation to another part of town or simply death due to old age... We never found what happened to Neelu posi(We were such sad investigators!!) and the case is still open .. anyone who is interested in investigating her disappearance, let me know, will give u the case notes..So what if they are at least 20 years old !!

Just remember .. The truth is out there !! :-)

Monday, November 23

ummm..eh?

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home...

Sometimes,i wish i weren't so complex...why couldn't i just ..
goto work.crib about no time.cook inedible dinner.crib some more about work.sleep.go back to work..

Options and decisions.. goals and dreams... happiness and contentment..So,whats the point?..of everything ?

can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
We'll try to stay blind
To the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone

Who am i? really ?what do i believe in ??Am i who i think i am ? .. Whats the whole point,again ?

I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
lying naked on the floor
illusion never changed
into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
you're a little late
I'm already torn

So much for WTF post for the week.. make that the year !.. Gosh,this is a weird frame of mind to be in ..

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here
I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired
Put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens and I wonder

I must tell my brain to shut down for maintenance..For it's own good ;-). Ok,i dunno why that smiley got in there.. this is supposed to be a serious post!!..I dont blame you if you don't understand anything..I don't get a lot of things myself..

Note(s) to self: I mustn't read pseudo-intellectual stuff..unless i am able to assimilate it and/or ignore it as a pile of Crowshit and move on to making inane conversation about finalists of So,you think you can dance or the plot of Blue or the soaring prices of vegetables these days ..I must'nt wonder about people or try to decipher why they do what they do.. I mustn't try to decipher why i do the things i do ...I must'nt think about what people who dont matter to me think about me.. Neither should i kid myself by thinking that what they say wouldnt hurt..Oh yeah,it hurts..I shouldn't dream about what it would feel to be non-dysfunctional.. I should say Fu*k off when i feel like saying it.. even if they are to be directed at someone elderly and especially so when they don't give a fiddlers fa*t about what i feel ..Why did God have to create relatives???..Just to be a pain in the wrong area and most importantly to keep judging you .I must learn to ignore what they say,anyway !

I do realize that its one of "those" days !

NUMB.KAPUT.I MUST SHUT UP NOW.VOKAY,OVER AND OUT!! DUH!

Saturday, November 14

Clutter -De Management !

Does anyone remember this show called crystal maze?? well,my house is exactly like a set of crystal maze.. To navigate the guest bedroom one has to jump over bags of bric brac, chocolate supplies, bags of clothes in various states of unuse( yeah,some salwars don't have naada , some have a tear,some have been abandoned for reasons not known to mankind.. I have around 50 different taxonomical classifications,you see), dabbas with God knows what,cassettes,cds,books,bags, boxes filled to the brim with papers and bottles and of course the usual suspects.. a couch,a computer table,newpaper stand.. Now,sometimes it does cross my mind that i am abusing a poor lil 70 sq ft space..How can someone cram so much stuff into one lil patch? well,ergonomically it can be done.. and i have a master belt in that !!

For the curious minded,The Guest bedroom is called that cos Hubby and i delude ourselves into thinking that someday human beings might actually want to inhabit that space.. As far as any guest accommodation goes,the couch on the living room is the most hospitable space at home..more hospitable than even the bedroom!..That's not a random observation.. something someone actually told us !! .The poor lil bedroom is crammed with more stuff,of course!! ..there are bars of chocolates,papers,papers ,more papers (god knows where they come from !!!) and all kinds of junk.. My maid finds it an ordeal to jump over these packets of Happiness & materialism and tells me everyday that i should be moving out and looking for a new house ..!! huh !!!

So,thats what we are gonna do..We have a lot of memories(good and bad) in this house.. and though it might not be a palace,its a place where a lot of changes happened in our life.. Maybe,that's why we need to find another place..I would have to start with de-cluttering as much as possible.. Now,thats going to be an ordeal .. How does one throw out the empty bottles of Johnny walkers and study materials on Credit crunch,which are no longer useful to me ? ..sigh!!!...tough times ahead !

Sunday, November 8

The bookworm returns..

This post was supposed to be continuation of part one of up goes the finger ..but decided to save myself from all the expletives and decided to write about something that i have been doing a lot lately.. Reading books..Voluntarily took a week off from work and have been indulging in books.. Nothing serious.. all candy floss and fiction mostly.. I did want to tell you people about this amazing author i came across - Jonnathan Kellerman.He is a clinical psychologist turned best-selling author.I had picked up a book( Called The conspiracy club) at a sale and really didn't know what to expect.. The book turned to be a page turner and i ended up borrowing another book by him. Lots of insights into the human psyche and the disturbed mind.

The second book that i read(Obsession) was even more interesting as it was a reverse-Who-dun-it,if there is a word like that. Basically,right from the beginning ,we know that someone's done the murder,but we don't know the victim.I thought that was an innovative format. I used to be a huge fan of Irwing Wallace(i might still be, the only reason i say was is because i don't remember the plots of any of the books i read..This was at least 10-11 years ago!).

People have told me that he does indulge a lot in trashy,titillating writing , but somehow i managed to cut across all that and like his stuff.. Seven minutes was a book i really enjoyed. If you ask me the plot,i might not remember.Some books stick to your brain that way. Same way i don't remember much about Roark ,but till date i think Fountainhead is on the top of my favorites. Needless to say, i don't entirely agree with Ayn Rand's philosophies, but that book stays on my top favorites (even though i don't remember the details of the plot!)

Enough rambling for today!!. Hope atleast next week i get some work done !!

Monday, November 2

Up goes the finger.. in the tune of "pop goes the weasel"

Nothing for 2 months and then 2 posts in a week .. i surprise myself at times..i have wanted to count the number of times i felt like showing the middle finger at a unnecessarily honking vehicle and i did it yesterday !! ..I actually showed the "famed finger " at a few guys and got mobbed... read on ,if you want to know about my life threatening escape !!.. there's a lot of analysis and pseudo-intellectual stuff(not to mention a few sad attempts to sound funny ) .. read at your own risk !

Agenda: Count the number of times Self felt like showing the Middle finger at really irritating motorists

Anti-social behavior pointers and analysis"

1. "I have a million deals to sign in the next one second guys"- Honking commences right the same second the signal turns green.. Losers!!!.. Million deals, my foot ! All they want to actually do is to go home and watch "kyun ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi".

2. "You Cant overtake me - I have more wheels!"- These guys (typically tourist vehicle drivers) cant stand a two-wheeler that overtakes them .. they have to create a cacophony that will leave you deaf..

3." I got the flags - Gimme way " - Another irritating ilk. These jokers think just because they have a flag that has slight political overtones fluttering on their cars , people have to give way.. Guess what losers?? .. i don't care 2 hoots about your stupid party that has just 2 members and a pink flag to boot.. Try honking at the Lok sabha and they'll throw u out !.. or maybe they wont...Sad state of the country !

4. " Zip,zap,zoom.. machaan ,that babe looked at me!"- stop zipping in and out of the roads trying to impress women on bustands , buses and assorted places where coy women can be seen giggling with their girl cronies ...Losers !!! get a life.. better still, a date !

The Count begins ..

The route : Distance of 8 kilometer on relatively crowded main roads.

The Machine: A poor, worn out Dio , that is waiting to be euthanized.

The Observer: Me

The journey : The observer had just pulled out of her garage when a speeding bike cut her off forcing her to almost ram into an old couple .. She got cussed at and promptly uttered the first set of expletives...along with a show of the famed middle finger .. Count 1

The next 2 minutes were uneventful as she was caught in bumper to bumper traffic leading to a main arterial road. She was starting to wonder how civilized her city had become.. Lo !!! the jeep behind her started honking.. The signal was red and she was reminded of the cornetto ad that was aired not-so long ago where a car keeps honking at a red signal and people around imitate the motion of a bird .. She however ,showed her middle finger and used tamil cuss words. The driver almost got out to bash her up. Thankfully the signal turned green and she fled for her life !! - count 2

She had to take short cuts to avoid running into the jeep guy.5 more minutes passed in blissful panic and she realised that she was being followed ..

.. To be continued.. hee hee ;-) ..

on a slightly different note, i discovered quite accidentally that someone who used to work in my team has actually starred in a movie...and is regularly appearing on film shows giving rehearsed speeches on how he got into the industry and spouting trivia like favorite food, hangout,what colour he liked and stuff like that .. thinking about the times i have hollered at him for not doing his numbers/ not wearing a tie, i can feel the unpredictability of life .. so surreal !!! This guy is a local celebrity now ..(ok i exaggerated ,a little.. he was the hero's friend in the movie.. but still , the movies!!!).. I should ask him for an autograph right away !!!;-)