Monday, November 14

Of sizes and random tantrums



This post is going to be about weight and size and  pregnancy hormones and all those vain things pregnant women are not supposed to crib about.It also contains mildly inflammatory feminist sentiments,which some men might find disturbing. Well, grab an extra buttery muffin ,you'll be just fine in a bit.

For someone who has  languished in  an "XS"  size for a substantial period of time, I've come a long way. I distinctly remember wanting to do nothing with the "XS" tag back when I was one and was truly ecstatic when I hit the "M" mark. Random aunties who had routinely bombarded me with " How will you ever get married if you are so skinny?" suddenly started seeing me in a new light. As if the sole purpose of my existence was to  strive to become an "M" for the sake of  getting married to some guy who I barely knew. Its a different thing that the guy could be "XS"  or even an "XXXXS" and still be considered a "catch". Because a man is a man and therefore above such trivial things.  

Anyway,the years just galloped by and one fine day I woke up being too small for my "M" clothes. Many Meena Kumari-acts followed , but I was refused re-entry back at the golden gates of "M". I drowned my sorrows in  barrels of long island ice tea, and having seen so much trauma in life so early, I was ready for anything.
"XL biatch , bring it on.." was my war cry. 

Of course , I had no intention of becoming an "XL" in my lifetime. XL" happened to other people , not to me. I had superior "XS" genes, didn't I ? Now that I fondly (not) reminisce about those days ,I  realize how delusional I've been ,because now "XL" is so much a part and parcel of my existence.
*Meena Kumari-act* and stop mosquito coil. Cut to the present.
  
The other day I was in some random snobby clothing store to pick up some stuff. The  snooty attendant looked at me bitchily for a second trying to ascertain whether I was just plain heavy or pregnant-heavy. I glared back at her and shoved my tummy at her nose ( If you are one of those visual people, please don't take this statement literally). As if people needed to apologize to her highness for being plain heavy.

A second later, the girl smiled and blurted "How many months ,mam?" 

I mumbled something inaudibly and dilly-dallied when she asked me my size. Finally, having had enough of the "sour-pregnant-pain-in-the-arse-woman", the woman left me alone to languish in the aisles.

A few minutes later, another young thing appeared and asked, "How many months, mam?"

But this one was was an "XL" herself and I warmed immediately to her. For the next 15 minutes or so , the girl tried to amuse me by pulling out shiny-bright clothes with the sole purpose of bankrupting me.

Nothing seemed interesting and I flipped my phone and stared disinterestedly  like some kitty-party-conducting-society-wife.

 Finally,  I spotted something promising and pointed it to her. 

"But mam, that is an XL.Maybe you should be looking at an XXL, with your... ahem.. si..pregnancy," she said.
She meant  my "SIZE".  XXL and me?!

The world stopped spinning for a minute.

She had been showing me XXL stuff all along. And I thought she was my friend. I had even proffered my life history, and offered to spam the chap's inbox with her brother's CV , all in a fit of giddy sister-hood bonding .

 No, I wouldn't give in.

“XL will be fine," I said firmly.

The girl sighed and pulled out the same thing in XL.

But wait ! It wasn't the same pattern.

" I want that yellow design with the red piping and orange flowers, not purple flowers," I whined.  

Which they didn't have. A few more "patterns" that I liked weren't available in the right colours too.Then it sunk in that the choices one has  gets appallingly lesser as on progresses up the size radar.It just wasn't fair. Aren't large people entitled to their orange flowers? Why should we be pretend to be happy with purple flowers ?

Suddenly, my whole existence seemed pointless.
I  probably looked like I was on the verge of shedding  a couple of tears.

By now the girl was exasperated with my hormone-fueled demands and looked like she would do a Meena Kumari-act herself. She let out a huge sigh of relief when I announced that I was leaving.

Poor thing.

I did feel a little bad later about giving her such a nasty time.If only they had stocked that orange flower kurta, everyone would have been happy.I am sure the girl will never forget the orange flower kurta in her lifetime..At least  I  know I won't.


16 comments:

Uma said...

I hear you gal! Been there done that, so just grit, grin, wait....you get there (I mean to "M" or "S") someday! :-)

A said...

It is amazing how you can make this funny too. Sorry I laughed in some parts.....especially Meena Kumari

Bhargavi said...

Uma ... lol we all live in grand hopes !

A..Its ok - laughing is allowed ;-) Thanks.

lifeunderthesky said...

I think something more is at work here.. You go looking for XS, M XL, XXL,anything.. the pattern you like will not be available in the size you want.. the ones that fit you will have all the gaudiest of designs!

Bikramjit said...

made me laugh .. and HOLD on before you rip my head off :) It was not at the SIZE..
it was at the meena kumari and the orange flowered dress :)

I am not sure why so much emphasis on size :) it does not bother me anymore well so i say i have tried going to XL from XXL but failed :)


Bikram's

Bhargavi said...

life..for the smaller sizes i haven't faced the problem.. it also depends on the shop, i think.

Bikram.. arey, its part of being a girl .. you guys will never understand !

Suko said...

You shouldn't need to pretend to be happy w/purple flowers right now. Others should be more understanding. :)

Sampige said...

Ayyo raama, whatya, you write yeverything I went through many moons ago. My mummy saw boy first came running and said, chee thoo, you know you are sooo fat. I was nice and slim wonly. Boy was sooooooooo skinny wonly. Now both of us are yhappy yhappy and prosperous figured people ;). Children and all will do that. I also fight with XL-sellers when I visit India. I am not a dude, dudette wonly. Went to Vidyodaya when it had ICSE. Does it still have that?

Thanks for bringing a smile in 54F weather.

My3
Oh ho, you took off anonymous identity, yaa.

Bhargavi said...

suko.. technically ,yeah.But I really cant expect a shop attendant to be "that" nice to me, right ? :-)

Sampige aka My3..abba one anon mistery successfully saalved. bhat yuvar blaag yempty.. whay no riteing? I yam yappy for providings of free entertainments to nri peepals. yuvar cookings congrats for making both nice round peepals. my baay losings weight after marriage-my cookings chee thoo vonly . which century yuvar finishing school?

Too much coovam and mylapore tank and besant nagar beach smell comings from this blaag , i yam thinking makings nri peepals very naastalgic. aiyo , bigu cammant.

Sampige said...

Why no "like", "super like" buttons in blaag warld???

My3

Bhargavi said...

My3.. existential dilemma question.. They should hold a conference and find an answer :-)

Manasi said...

I hear you girl, been there done that too! It doesn't get any better though, at least for me it didn't. I now have the XXL preggers, XL one year post delivery and L two years post baby cramming up the wardrobe. Am still languishing at L and can't even blame the pregnancy weight anymore given that the child is nearly three. Sigh.

Bhargavi said...

Manasi.. I am now keen on learning the techniques of organising such a thriving and diverse wadrobe from veterans like you..And now I need to ingest a few kilos of muffins to assimilate this news that you have given me!:-)

Smita said...

lol @ Meena Kumari act!!!

Been there done that and still struggling to go back to my old size.

Welcome to my club :D

Bhargavi said...

Smita.. why are all you mamas scaring me ?! This is one club I really don't feel great about joining :-(

Asha said...

bhargavi, yes you are right may be we did'nt get the message across right. Please refer my comment again,(wrt your post a letter to my friends) I have written 'TODAY' and it is true. The school grammar has changed till the format of letter writing all thanks to Modern English. Grammatically too, english has changed and the grammar books referred is customised for classes in the name of communicative english and creative writing skills. I can easily say this since i have been a freelancing facillitator for various schools across hyderabad and I also have school going children.

FYI, i still have the copy of my school wren and martin, unfortunately this is not used extensively or even followed in today's schools.

Perhaps may be if i had used the word ironically before Today you would have understood right :)