Friday, February 17

Dating,Marriage and all that Jazz..

He reads..

      He says: Awsome ! 
   She says : YAWWWWN! 


She reads..

She says : Awesome ! 
He says : YAAAAAWWNNNN! 


They read..


He says: Ummmm.. Good one,right?
She says: Ummm..yeah!

What's the point of all this His-hers thingie, you ask?  Patience, dearies.. I 'm getting to it in a bit ;-)

A single friend was telling me how besotted she is with her new boyfriend. They've been seeing each other for a few weeks now, and she has started wondering if he is the "one". Now this is a girl who goes through 3-4 books a week and the new guy in her life supposedly groans if someone asks him what books he reads. She is chuffed that they are mad about each other , despite not having anything in common.When I insisted that there had to be something common between them, she said, "Nothing!Not a single thing.That's why I'm wondering if this is for real or just some crush." While I am super thrilled for this girl finding love and all, I am a little baffled at  her statement that they have nothing in common. Is this possible ?

Well , I know love is strange , and cupid strikes at the most unexpected times, but I have been married long enough to have cynical thoughts about this one. A marriage does need some common ground to keep the couple grounded.For the first few years, passion and fights will get you through ... after that what do you talk about if you have "zero" common interests? How long can you talk about "other people" and babies and EMIs and bastard bosses?

I know some people will say,"What did our parents have in common? Aren't they happy together after gazillion years of being married?". Good point.. My parents have been married for 33 years and don't have much in common really. Yet, they are happily married and find enough topics to talk about outside their individual interests( which incidentally will have a very small intersection area if plotted on a Venn diagram). However, they belong to a  generation that really saw marriage differently - it is almost like they were programmed genetically to be more accommodative and tolerant of each other. I am not too sure if our generation is wired that way. Divorce obviously is not that big a deal anymore, and as a corollary the institution of marriage not sacrosanct . 

So I doubt if " Opposites attract " can really work in the long run...

What say guys? Do you think for any relationship to work there has to be common grounds or can people be as different as chalk and cheese and still manage to have crazy  fun conversations together till eternity ? Or are conversations an overrated thing in marriages these days? Especially when you can head over to the nearest pub, get drunk with your couple friends and feel like you and your spouse are soul mates. My guess is even for that kind bliss to be felt, the spouse should like getting drunk. If he/she doesn't , you obviously don't have a common ground anymore ! 

Thank God for Steig Larsons of the world , the chap and I have "a few things" in common ! ;-) 











11 comments:

LG said...

After a decade of marriage, I can vouch that you must have something in common for it to not lose sheen. I don't believe in crap of love is beyond reason. Its not love it is so - just infatuation. You must know what makes the other person tick and must be able to share it.
It is science and writing for my dude and me.

Bhargavi said...

L.. a decade, huh? :-) Your dude writes too? wowie! what a writer-ly family :-) Maybe it also depends on the expectations someone has out of marriage and also on the personalities of the two people involved..but yeah , to me what you are saying makes total sense..

Spaceman Spiff said...

I think it's important to have common interests, if not many, at least a couple. It shouldn't be like they have so many common interests that they do everything together all the time either. But there's this quote that I read somewhere, and it made a LOT of sense. "Marry someone you can talk to, because as you grow older, your conversation skills are what will matter". It's not verbatim, but something like that. And it's true, right? Like you said, how much can you talk about kids' schools, bad maids, housing loans, etc? So ya, at least one or two common interests are necessary.

Bikramjit said...

opposites attract .. and hey even if their is nothing in common , then it shud work good because now you can spend time learning about each othr knowing each other :)

and as time goes on some common things will develop ..

Bikram's

Bhargavi said...

Spiff..umm.. that quote is just bang on ! As you get older , these common interest are only going to sustain the relationship..Passion gives way to companionship after a while, i guess :-)

Bikram.. I don't know.. call me cynical , but i feel we normally tend to fall for people who are extensions of ourselves in a lot of ways (that said , I am not ruling out the fact that one might start liking a person totally different from oneself). For the relationship to mature, i think more than attraction is required..

Suko said...

I think we become more like the person we marry, and vice versa (sometimes too much so). As far as reading goes, I think adults should read what interests them, not what someone else thinks they should read.

Bhargavi said...

Suko..I agree with your first statement..I don't think the reading example was meant to illustrate the fact that we should read what we want to, and not what is expected of us - but that two people can have totally diverse tastes and yet have a common ground..Too bad the idea didn't come across clearly.

Vidya said...

ummmm... trying to think what the two of us have in common... i think it also works if you admire some quality/trait/interest in the person whom you love/marry.. travel i think is a common passion, but we haven't managed the amount we'd have liked to because of the 2 brats around :-)

Bhargavi said...

Vidya.. so true.. admiring some quality of the other person sure make a huge load of difference.. lol.. soon the brats will be all grown up and you'll have all the time to travel in the world ! :-)

R-A-J said...

I think the sanctity of marriage is getting dissolved in our generation and going forward, I think every generation needs new set of rules to make things work.. n that applies to not just marriage but to a lot of other aspects too.. for eg, what worked for my dad's career may not work for me n vice versa...

I think the world is getting infinitely complex and maybe that's not really a bad thing..:)

Very interesting n thought provoking post u brought out here Bhargavi.. while the realist in me seem to gravitate towards having comon interests, the romantic in me says otherwise... but I guess, its the realist who usually always has the last laugh.. :)

Brilliant topic to ponder on, Bhargavi.. :)

Bhargavi said...

Raj.. Good to see you drop by here.. Yeah, i guess the world is just getting too complex and the old rules don't work anymore.But then the wheel has to be reinvented again and again. I'm sure our parents had these thoughts and our children will do too.. paradigm shifts are just a fixture of human existence..And so true that most of the times the realist trumps the romantic, however much we don't want that to happen !