Sometimes jobs , responsibilities, marriages, babies and ennui take a toll on some of the relationships in our life, and we slowly start drifting towards silos of preoccupation and self-absorption. Only after a few years do we realize that we have drifted apart so much that there are many oceans to conquer in between - oceans of experiences not shared and of things not spoken...
And sometimes you deliberately move away from someone because you can't forgive them for what they have done to you : a stab on the back, a mean word here and a bitchy comment there. You decide that it doesn't make sense to be friends with someone who has so little respect of you. You fume and fret.Years roll by, and one fine day you realise that the hurt that made you move away from that person is not there anymore. What once irritated you , doesn't bother you or matter to you anymore. You only remember all the good times you had with that person.When someone is being mean to you, these things don't strike you- you want to retaliate,be meaner and swear that as long as you live you'll never forgive that person for what he/she did to you.
In the grander scheme of the universe holding on to these grudges, however justified they might seem is just pointless,no? Life is too fragile to be frittering away on such meaningless pursuits. And this good sense prevails only in hindsight, which is such a shame! ;-)
This post is a result of some soul-searching done after I got back in touch with an old friend with who I hadn't spoken to for almost 7 years. We were young and stupid and impulsive. I have an issue with people who talk behind my back and would rather prefer someone calling me a bitch to my face.I also have trouble forgiving, forgetting and letting go of hurt.I decided to withdraw from this friend's life when I got to know that she had been bad-mouthing me to another close friend. We drifted apart and moved on with our lives.
"Ha, one less person to stay in touch with," I told myself.
Maybe that was just my ego talking and not what I really thought, but in the last 7 years I would have thought about her a sum total of 10 times, most of which were perpetuated by a conversation with some common friend.Growing older makes you do strange things.Something made me want to wish her on her birthday this year (with much trepidation). And none of those mean words she had said mattered anymore. All I could think of was the good times we had shared, the gazillion bottles of beer we had guzzled, the tears we had mopped up and pukes we had cleaned out.
I've realized that if you have to say " Hey,I've missed you!" to someone you haven't been in touch with for a long time, NOW is the right time to do it ! You never know how thinks will pan out. Chances are that you've changed , chances are that they have changed.The permutations and combinations are endless!
Time is definitely a healer.This must mean I am growing soft in my head.
Or that I am finally growing up.
Let me leave you with one of my favorite songs - As Time goes by from Casablanca